Taking flowers to the strip club
Starting to sound like a curtain-twitching housewife here, but continuing on with my tirade against guberment incompetence...
I recently received a letter from the landlord of one of my neighbours, asking for a favour:
"Dear Neighbour, I hope this letter finds you well. My name is [Landlord's name], and I'm the landlord of [Neighbour's address], which I've recently put on the market. I'm writing to kindly bring your attention to the bin located behind my property, which I understand belongs to [My address]. See below picture. The bin has been in its current state for some time, and I'm concerned it may create a negative impression on prospective buyers during viewings. I'd really appreciate it if you could get in touch with me so we can find a solution. Thank you in advance for your help, and best regards, [Landlord's name], [Landlord's contact details], [Photo of damaged bin]"
Of course, I responded promptly:
"Hi [Landlord's name], hope you're well. This is James from [My address]. We received your note today. We normally store our bin in front of the house, so we had no idea the broken bin behind your property even existed. I've moved it to the front of our house, next to our usual bins, as it does indeed have [My house number] on it. I'll get in touch with the council to have it removed. All the best with the sale. James."
See, I can be polite... All quiet on the Western Front so far. I then contacted the council:
"Hi, hope you're well. I'm contacting you from [My address]. A broken bin with our house number on it had been left behind our neighbour's property - likely by previous tenants. It's not in use, is missing a wheel, has a melted hole in the side, and is full of garden waste. Could the council collect or dispose of it? We don't need a replacement. Thanks, James."
To which I received this robo-reply:
"Hi! This is an automated reply. We aim to respond within 2 hours (Mon–Fri, 9am–5pm). Response times may be longer during busy periods. In the meantime, visit [Council website link]."
Then, soon after, another robo-reply:
"To ensure you are directed to the right team, is your query about council tax or benefits? Reply Yes or No."
To which I replied: "No."
In hindsight, it is rather funny that the first thing you're asked about in Britain is benefits - but I digress.
Cue third robo-reply:
"Thank you! A team member will get back to you as soon as they can. View our privacy notice here: [Council website link]."
Now you may be reading this from a functioning democracy, and expect that this is where my Karen-ish tale ends. But you'd be wrong.
It's been over a month. No reply.
Responding in two hours is quite an aim if this is the average response time of someone asking the council to do anything other than hand out money.
In contrast, I recently purchased a rather expensive book on copywriting from the land of the free. The seller warned it could take up to 3 weeks to arrive - only for me to be pleasantly surprised when the shipment landed in just two days.
See the difference?
Underpromise and overdeliver is such a cliché. But you would not believe the claims people make in their copy, thinking if they can promise the world, people would be stupid not to reach into their wallet and pay.
The truth is, a lot of copywriters are writing the equivalent of bringing flowers to the strip club.
Don't want to be caught with your pants down while proposing?
Go here:
James Perkins
